Saturday, December 7, 2019

quarter of a century.


every year I write myself a birthday letter, most of it was about a reflection of how my year has been, about lessons learned, and what I would project in the future.
rather than doing so,  I want to write a thank you letter to myself instead.

"Dear Lenny,
happy birthday. happy twenty-five. you've done well up till today and you definitely deserve a glass of bubbles (or a whole bottle) or if you ever need tequila, don't. Be more ladylike and drink champange just for today, you need that kick of sparkly drink down the throat. (to update you, I opted soju.)
2019, by far has been such a year for you, the best you could have yet, also the worst year. It was such an awakening year, the one you didn't see coming
Despite of whatever events that occurred, I can only say that I am proud of you. 
you were taken a step back this year and it's okay,
you were taken a step back so you can jump further,
more prepared that you've ever been. 
one of your worst case scenario happened,
and it crushed you tremendously
because it happened in the worst way possible 
but you, 
I must admit you handled it so well, until the very end
you chose to put your resentment, rage and anger,
locked 'em in a box and let the key vanished forever
it might sound crazy but you chose to forgive, 
I mean, how could you forgive such a disrespectfulness?
but I thank you for forgiving anyway,
I thank you for being vulnerable and truly let yourself feel the cut
I thank you for putting yourself first before anything,
that your peace and state of mind are more important than anything
and losing it would only tear you apart 
I thank you for standing strong for yourself
and for picking yourself back up,
thank you for your courage and your bravery 
and lastly,
thank you for not giving up on you,
when a million reasons were there for you to give up. 
you learned so much this year, you little fighter
you know the saying "when one door closes, another is opened" ?
it has never quite had the effect on me, not until recently 
you witnessed it,
one door was completely shut right before your eyes,
but many blessed doors opened right in front of you,
it's like the Universe is giving you signs and letting you know
in the most beautiful way possible
that it doesn't want you to give up nor be down for too long
many things that you asked for in your little prayers in the past
are slowly being shown to you. 
all the ups and downs,
all the laughs and tears, too
all the hello-s and goodbyes, 
they were all bound to happen to prepare you for today. 
But in case later in the future you'll forget who you are again,
come back here to this letter. 
you'll find a piece of you that will remind you that, 
you are more than what you think you are, 
all your fears and insecurities,
all your flaws and scars..
they are the arts that made you, you. 
cheers to the new decade 2020. 
cheers to the journey that got you here,
and to the one you're about to embark 
cheers to the memories that brought you here.
and to the ones you'll create 
cheers to the countries you've travelled,
and to the ones you'll explore 
cheers to the people that exit your life,
and to the ones that you'll welcome 
cheers to friends, families, acquaintances
that stays, I cherish all of you tremendously. 
and lastly,
cheers to the twenty-five years of life I've lived,
and to the next twenty-five to come. 
I am ready for you.

love, lenny.



palmcove, oct 2017

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